I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
