I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
