I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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