dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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