I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
