You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
