my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
