Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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