She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm like, not good at living.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
