I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
His nipple licking is glorious
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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