I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize