Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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