i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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