I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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