I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
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Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
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I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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