oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize