Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
