Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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