Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
