I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
