I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
