Are we in a gay sports bar?
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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