Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
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My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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