i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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