i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
