Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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