Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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