Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
