haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
