you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
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