did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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