So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
