I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize