He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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