So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
