I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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