I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
