HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.