Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
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Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
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You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.