hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You coming home soon, man?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.