one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar