come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?