btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.