dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
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Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
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I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.