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So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
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