I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize