I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
