Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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