Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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