I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
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well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
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On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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