so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The power of my boobs compel you
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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