Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
