: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
