ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
