the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
