He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
