WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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