I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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