We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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