Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
They took my balls.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
