why do cheetos always look like penises
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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