I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
