Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
