I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize
