Just mADE A PArabola og urine
and you said cock pushups were impossible
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
