we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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