Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
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all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
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You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize