Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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