I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
