i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
