I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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