can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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