Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
