i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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