The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize