One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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