using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
