Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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