Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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