I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
