The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
