so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize