I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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